I’m bald and I’m being a baby about it

Okay so we all know appearance is important. For example, I really wanted to pick a chic black and grey theme for this wordpress but Saige said I can’t have a black cancer blog and I really saw her point so I went with light blue to calm us all down (aren’t you grateful?). 

So anyway I got cancer and set out on this absurd mission to not be a Kid with Cancer. You know, like the ones you see on TV? Or the ones where you put quarters around their faces at stores? Oakland Children’s lets you wear your own clothes and stuff, so I lasted a few days doing that before I gave up because, let’s face it, hospital gowns are so comfy. 

On my first day of chemo I had this awesome nurse (also named Brooke!) who ‘strongly suggested’ that I cut my hair short so that it is less traumatic as it falls out. As I would learn later, I think that also would have been easier to clean up. Well, I am on this mission to not be a Kid with Cancer, right? So I can’t do that. You probably know that I have always had long blond (blonde?) hair and it is (was) my baby/safety blanket/identity. 

Well, this plan lasted a few weeks but it was actually pretty awful because there was hair EVERYWHERE. I could feel it on my legs when I slept because it would get all in my bed everywhere. Ugh. Also everyone had to clean up ridiculous amounts of hair from places you didn’t even think hair could get but no one had the heart to make me feel bad about it because of the whole leukemia thing.

Anyway, of course the inevitable end to this story is that I am now bald and I’m not happy about it. I freak myself out whenever I catch myself in the mirror and in the shower I get confused about where the face wash ends and the head wash (?) begins. Other questions – literally what are you supposed to wash your head with? Normal body wash? Feels weird.

I am leaving this picture here so you can all get used to my head being a nub before you see me for real and are alarmed. I am also cheating because I am taking this before I lose my eyebrows and eyelashes and look even scarier. But don’t worry, I am told my head is symmetrical and regardless I plan to come back just like post-2007 Britney except minus the tacky Vegas show. 

Other things in my life: I have no appetite and I’m force fed chipotle and in n out while I lay in bed (life is rough), I’m not allowed to leave the immunocompromised unit but after having a cough for two weeks I am finally allowed out of my room so that’s big news, today I have 0% cancer cells in my blood (there is still cancer in my useless bone marrow), my paint by numbers is coming along slowly (I have no discipline), I love the bald children who are also trapped in this hallway (I would be way cuter bald if I was younger, I think I’m washed up), today is my three week anniversary of being in the hospital/only breathing filtered air. 

Me and the pole/bff that never leaves my side <3
Me and the pole/bff that never leaves my side ❤

17 thoughts on “I’m bald and I’m being a baby about it

Add yours

  1. I don’t know you, but I truly think you’re rocking the bald look.
    Keep being awesome ❤


  2. Hey! I’m Samantha and I’m a Chi Omega at OU! I also have cancer. I’m half bald and hating it cause my long hair was my identity too. But it gets easier everyday. I’m learning that hair doesn’t matter. And ironically, I have brain cancer so they had to shave my head for surgery:( I cried for so long when the top was shaved off but it gets so much easier believe it or not. I’m into my second month of oral chemo and also have no appetite. If you ever want to chat please feel free to contact me! I think we would be of mutual help to eachother! Samanthafgreer@gmail.com


  3. One of the most honest & authentic blog posts I’ve read. Wishing all the best for you…and I agree, rock the bald look!


  4. Brooke, I love reading your blog and the challenges you are dealing with. I am so happy your brother’s a bone marrow match. That’s fantastic. I send you love and good thoughts.💖Lois Bookman (Bruce’s Mom)


  5. Hi Brooke!
    I don’t know you, but I came across this post because a mutual friend liked it and your shirt caught my eye. I just wanted to say I think you’re awesome and I’m inspired by you ❤
    LICO from UC San Diego xoxo


  6. Brooke:

    Congratulations on a very well written, informative, funny blog! It is a pleasure to read.

    We are very sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Getting the “C” word can be a tremendous shock. It is wonderful to hear of your progress so far. It is great that Jack is match and that you are making strides to getting out of the isolation ward.

    Please keep up the good positive thoughts and energy in the days ahead. We know that you will get through this and soon be back to your normal self!

    Thoughts and prayers from us!!!!!!!

    Jeff Loose


  7. Brooke,
    I just found out about your cancer from our son, Jeff’s, blog. I am so sorry that you have cancer and I am praying for you. I am happy to know that you have a matching bone marrow with your brother. That is such great news. Sport that bald head proudly, girl; you’ve earned it and you are beautiful!

    Your blog is great, fun, insightful and informative. As far as artistic outlet, try your hand at drawing (I drew trees from an instruction book) or painting with acrylics or water colors. It doesn’t matter what your work looks like as long as you take the leap and just try it. It’s a reflection of you — we all have our own individual artist inside us. Let yours out.

    I will look into bone marrow transplants and see if they want mine. You are inspiring.
    Mary Kay Loose (Cambria’s grandmother and Jeff’s Mom)


  8. yooo so idk if you remember me. throwing it way back to the Obama Rama video, but I was wondering what can I do to help. I’m navigating this website on my phone so I probably should’ve just waited till I got home to reply to this (after reading your other posts, if there are others), but I was wondering if you had a gofundme or if I should get my bone marrow tested or uhh I don’t know? Sorry. but yeah I just want to help you out.
    also you rock the bald look. really I think Bruce Willis and Anne Hathaway are jealous of how well you pull it off
    -Liz Anderson


  9. Dear Brooks, We have been thinking about you every day. Thanks for writing the blog, it’s great to hear your thoughts. Stay positive…..By the way, you look beautiful!
    All our love, Amparo and Bruce


  10. Hey Brooke!!!

    My gosh!! It seemed like you were just traveling and entering college the other day. I remember when we studied abroad together, you were always so adventurous. You were down for anything!!! Always a strong girl!!! I can see your still the same way. I’m praying for you hunny!!!!


  11. I was a baby about losing my hair too. It truly does suck. Just found your blog. Love your writing style. And you are, no doubt, helping countless others through your blog. Love & all the best from another cancer chick in Georgia via Texas. xx


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