The closer I am to death, the easier it is to write. It's not really about me after all - it's about what is happening to me. My skin turning to stone, my nerve endings screaming, my mouth and hands and feet rubbing raw, my kidneys failing, my lung function declining, my eyes burning...none of... Continue Reading →
I asked my oncologist how surprised he is that I'm alive. First he laughed - because I phrased the question absurdly, he said - and then he said the only two times he thought I was going to die were when I didn't respond to induction chemotherapy (he said he didn't think I would ever... Continue Reading →
You might be shocked to know (I was) that professors receive zero training in disability accommodations. Zero. I have been working on this, and after many meetings faculty chairs will have their first ever disability training (15 mins) in January during their 3 hour mandatory training. This is only the beginning - Stanford has so... Continue Reading →
I keep meaning to write, but I have so much to say that I can't even start. So instead I let it keep building, making it all the more difficult to write. I'm sure most of you have been here at some point with some task. It's a really great cycle to get into :)... Continue Reading →
On September 24 I reached 3 years post-BMT. This is a milestone that I never really imagined for myself, and being alive years after receiving essentially a terminal diagnosis continues to shock me every day. That said, this past year was horrific and traumatizing in even more new ways. It seared into me an intense... Continue Reading →
Hi everyone! People keep asking me questions like "where are you even living?" and "are you ever graduating?" and "what is even happening" and to be honest I haven't been answering them because I have had the same questions. But now that the dust has settled I can say that I did end up going... Continue Reading →
This is probably my longest absence from the blog while conscious. I was going to write "while not in a life threatening situation" but that wouldn't be true. The truth is that my mental health has deteriorated an amount that I have never experienced before. Remember when I bought a new car a few months... Continue Reading →
Remember in January when I said that a best case scenario was slow, painful improvement? Well, here I am in the best case scenario. Why does a best case scenario look like this? That is a great question. Probably because we don't even understand the cellular mechanisms behind GVHD, and also because having a systemic... Continue Reading →
